"You" in Korean

Figuring out how to address someone in Korean can be tricky, especially if you come from a language like English where second-person pronouns are relatively straightforward.

In Korean, second-person pronouns are rarely the default. Instead, people usually rely on names, titles, or kinship terms. Which one you choose depends on age differences, gender, social roles, and how close you are to the other person.

By the dictionary, “you” in Korean has two main forms.
당신 is the honorific form. In reality, this is rarely used. It can sound confrontational in arguments or, interestingly, intimate between lovers.
너 is the non-honorific form. Common among close friends or when someone older addresses someone younger.

However, it’s not that simple. It goes beyond 너, 형, 누나, 오빠, or 언니 depending on the situation and context.

To make this more concrete, let’s look at a realistic scenario: a group of members in a musical club.

Take a moment and think what each person would call another person.

Let’s start with the easy one, M3. Regardless of age or gender, all the other members would call M3 선생님 since he is the instructor, or 감독님 if he is acting as the director. M3 would address the members with [name]님 or [name]씨, again without regard to age or gender. Traditionally, 씨 has been the default neutral title, but in recent years it has come to be used more for people who are younger or in a lower position. That is why people often prefer 님, which carries a stronger sense of respect.

Next, let’s look at M4, who is in the middle age range. For members younger than him, such as M1, M2, F1, and F2, he would usually start with [name]님 or [name]씨 when they are not close. Once they become closer and drop honorific speech, M4 would simply call them by name and use 너. M1 and M2 would naturally call him 형님 or 형 from the very beginning.
When it comes to the younger women, things get a bit more delicate. If the relationship grows close, they may start calling him 오빠, but for some speakers that can feel awkward in the beginning. In those cases, they would go with [name]님, and might never develop into 오빠.
For M4 addressing older members, things are comparatively straightforward. He would call older men 형님, and older women 누님. As for how the older members address him, M5, M6, F4, and F5 would usually begin with [name]씨, and if the relationship becomes more casual, they might switch to calling him by his name directly and even use 너.

Now let’s look at M1, the youngest in the group. Should he, like M4, simply call older members 형님 or 누님? Not quite. He is an adult, but unlike someone in their late thirties or forties like M4, M1 can still be perceived as a student. He’s the 막내 after all.
For the men, things are straightforward. He can just call them 형님, often attaching the name as in [name] 형님. The older men, in turn, would usually call him [name]씨 or just his name.
With the women, it becomes more complicated. If M1 feels comfortable using 누나, he might call F1 that way. If he does not, then [name]님 is the safer choice. F2 and F3 fall into a gray area. Once they get closer, he will probably use 누나 or 누님, but starting with that title right away could feel awkward on both sides.
F4 and F5 are even more delicate. Calling them 누님 is not exactly wrong, but since they may be around the age of his own mother, it could sound strange to them. In such cases, F5 might suggest that he call her 이모 or 아줌마.

Now let’s look at F3. Starting with the easy part: for older women, she would naturally use 언니. In return, those older women would simply call her [name]씨, or just her name, sometimes even 너 once they are close. Likewise, when F3 addresses younger women, she would use [name]씨 or just the name, and the younger women would call her 언니.
But what about men? Could we treat it as straightforward as M4’s case? Not really. It is hard to imagine F3 calling M5 or M6 오빠, especially if she is married. It could even sound inappropriate, carrying the nuance of something like an affair. Even as a Korean, this part is tricky. I asked some of my colleagues, but many of them did not have a clear answer either. I would go with the safe choice of [name]님.

As an easier case, let’s turn to F5, the eldest woman in the group. She would likely call everyone by [name]씨 or simply by name. In return, unless someone is much younger and feels awkward with it, most of the other members would address her as 누님 or 언니.

Finally, let’s consider F1, the youngest of the women. With same-gender members, things are easy. She would simply call them 언니.
The challenge comes with men, especially the question of 오빠. For someone like M2, calling him 오빠 feels natural, although depending on her personality she might stick with [name]님. From M4 upward, things become more complicated, and this really depends on the speaker’s personality. Some people would freely call men all the way up to M6 오빠, and the men being called that would would have no problem with it. But for others, it feels awkward to address M5 or M6 as 오빠. If they had met in some random context outside the circle, she might have just called them 아저씨. Since this is a friendly club setting, though, she would more likely use [name]님 as the safer choice.

A club like this is a special case. People of different ages come together around a shared hobby, and with no official titles or positions, the rules of address become unusually complex. In tricky situations, such as a younger member deciding how to address an older member of the opposite gender, many people simply avoid direct forms of address altogether.

By contrast, workplaces tend to be more straightforward, since formal job titles create a clear hierarchy. I will explore those settings, along with many other contexts, in future installments of this series.

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Also here’s a special page for subscribers to practice pronunciation. Right now it has words with ㄹ, and I plan to add more soon.

See you in the next one!